The Heart of Persuasion

I am sick of writing these posts. Not in general. Just the ones about that awful, all consuming word. And yet my fingers ignore my screaming mind and keep typing. It feels like my heart has started a mutiny against my brain and everyone is jumping ship. Leaving my brain looking off at all the rest of me drowning, thinking "what idiots, if only they listened and stayed on the ship where it was safe, I was only trying to protect them". And yet when a mutiny happens its not usually because the captain is wrong. Its because someone else is more persuasive. My heart is awfully persuasive I suppose.

I was sitting here. Doing nothing productive I suppose. Next thing I knew I noticed that I still have a seperate group on my fb chat for him. Knowing he would be asleep I decided to skim his page, something I hadnt done recently, not like before when we used to chat for ages. My heart got that deep aching longing feeling. The one that reminded me that I could see him soon. Really soon when you think about how I have been overseas for 7.5 months. It was a feeling of missing, of longing, of remembrance, of heartache. I brushed it off. Tiny moments of time passed and then suddenly he was online chatting with me. Nothing important. Nothing meaningful really. Just words. Words put together. Nothing. And yet there was just so much. Every word was like a little spark. I am terrified that if I dont see you then I will always wonder. And that if I do see you that you will just say the right things and then I will leave and feel empty and alone again. 

I can feel my heart of persuasion slowly chipping away at the rest of me. Its saying all of the right things to trick me into opening back up and making a stop by your state. Only time will tell what is more persuasive, my brain or my heart.