13.1

What does 2 different numbers and a period really mean?

Today, for me, it meant facing the biggest challenge I have put myself through. I chose to do this. I ran my first half marathon. I was not prepared. It seemed so doable. Like I didnt really need to be all completely prepared for it. I felt like I had it down. And then I got there. I heard how hard it was, and that it was not for beginners. It hit. I had no idea what I was in for. I was not ready at all. But it was too late. I had to go through with it.

Mile 4. I thought I was about to die. I started way too fast and it was a LOT of up hills. I broke down mentally. I felt like I coudnt run further, my lungs hurt, I was tired. It was just too hard. There was no way I could do another 9 miles. I just wanted to leave. But then I knew it was up to me. I had to change my perspective. I had to embark on the mental game of convincing myself to continue.

I dont even really know what happened. I just knew this was something I wanted to accomplish and that quitting was not an option. It was so hard. But by mile 6 I was game. I was ready to nail the last 7 miles and to prove to myself that I could handle a half marathon.

Its not like the next 7 miles were easy. It was grueling. The hills just kept coming. My knee ached. My lungs hurt. But everything had changed mentally. I knew I would do the next 7 miles and I would be proud of myself. So I did.

And when I finally saw the end, and all of the people cheering I was so psyched! They were there supporting me. And I did it. I ran my first half marathon. And I am so much stronger because of it.

Sometimes we have to put ourselves through really hard things. Today I chose to put myself through 13.1 miles. And everytime we accomplish or overcome hard things, well we just grow. You have to choose to stand up or else the waves of life will continually beat you down. Today I feel like I stood tall. And I am ever so proud of myself.

maybe one day I will do it again. 13.1

Purpose, Fulfillment and being Effectual

Oh life.

This week was possibly the most horrid week I have had in ages. Actually, for sure it was. Looking back I cannot say it was the worst week of my entire life as I learned so many beautiful things. So here are eight of them, because 8 is my favourite number.

1. I learned that I have grown up.

2. I can cope with hard situations in healthy ways.

3. I can run really far sometimes and it makes me happy.

4. There are a LOT of people that care about me and will do anything for me.

5. I am determined to fulfill my dreams and that gives me hope and motivation.

6. That no matter what, I am never alone.

7. That sometimes a replacement family is enough for the moment.

8. That I love bakeries and farmers markets and feeling like I am part of a city and contributing to the people making a living right here.

9. (I had one more) That I am beautiful. Regardless of how I feel sometimes.

PURPOSE

I have a purpose here. Sometimes I forget that. Sunday night I had the best phone call ever. And a dear dear friend reminded me of my purpose in some situations. He reminded me about my role in the family, and that I am graduating and that I will do a lot of great things.

yes, my life has so much purpose. And I am PSYCHED about it! yay! I am going to do great things one day. Monday it will be running a half marathon, in 3 weeks it will be graduating, and soon it will be having a real job. Purpose makes me motivated.

FULFILLMENT

Sometimes I just need reminders that I am fulfilling something. Currently I am working on fulfilling dreams. And finding fulfillment in my daily occurances. For instance, this week I noticed how I felt after running, and when I took time to just sit and talk with a friend or enjoy the fresh air of outside, and it left me filled. I think I want to try and find one thing everyday that makes me a better person. That would be fulfilling.

EFFECTUAL-NESS

As I stopped by Its Yoga again this week I thought of how stoked I am to be a yoga instructor, it will be incredible. The thought of it makes me feel like I am progressing towards a place where I will be able to teach other people to recognize their mind-body connection and the peace and rejuvenation of yoga. Also, as I was speaking french with a friend the other day I thought of how great it would be to be in France and taking in the culture, I think I want to make my French effectual.

Life is so hard.

And yet here I am, and I am happy.

Sometime I feel the pain and aching of situations but underneath it all there is always some reason for me to be happy, even amidst tears.

At this moment I feel so hopeful for my future.

If you could control everything you would be God.

Sometimes all you can say is that you are sad.

That it hurts.

That you just wish you could change it.

That you want to go back to yesterday.

But you cant.

This is life.

And it hurts.

And sometimes you cant change things.

Not everything is in your control.

All you can do is pray.

Turn to your loved ones.

There is no shame in asking for help.

And then let yourself be sad for awhile.

And then you move on.

And you grow stronger.

And you learn.

And one day, when its you making those hard decisions, you will remember this day.

And how much it hurt.

And you will do everything you can to never cause anyone to feel this way.

Today I am just sad.

But I am not angry.

And I am still full of love.

Why being lonely is sometimes Super Awesome - JD

Revamping occurs when my life feels revamped. So my blog felt the effects of the changing nature of my life.

I feel like my life is rather epic. Which seems odd as on the surface as it appears like my days are filled with classes, work and homework. And then sometimes I stop and I look at myself and lately it makes me smile.

I am just over 8 days away from my first half marathon! I am so psyched, and terrified. 13.1 miles is really far, and sometimes I second guess myself. Yet, I am so ready to accomplish this. I mean running is just therapy for me, it releases stress and I enjoy a runners high. Amidst my blogging I actually decided to run, it was beautiful. It was about 9 miles of peace.

Then there is the fact that oh yah, I am graduating from University in a few weeks. I have less than a month and I am done graduating, as long as all goes well. That will be a life altering thing most likely. I have spent, well my whole life basically in school, and its coming to an end. Cross your fingers grad school starts coming into place. But honestly, I kinda want a year off.

A year off. I am planning on backpacking Europe. I think like 3ish weeks would be amazing. So thats a little bit in the works. Why not? I think travelling cultures you and provides you with invaluable life experiences, experiences I crave. I cannot wait to see the world.

Today I registered for my Yoga Instructors Course. For years I have wanted to be a yoga instructor but it didnt ever seem feasible. Now I have my course half paid for and I am so psyched! It not only gives me a plan til the end of August but it also will be 200 hours of me doing what I love. I want that chance to share my love of life and yoga with people and I think I am on a path towards that.

Yes, I feel like my life is epicful.

Sometimes it is lonely. My best friend here went to Cairo for the summer. I miss Soph dearly. Another close friend went to Berlin for 3 months. My adventuring has dramatically decreased. I have only seen my family and calgary friends for 3 days in the last 5 months. Sanchez is still on a mission so I live through letters. And recently I realized how much I miss a boy I met 5 years ago, but he is on a mission for another 2 weeks. So heres the thing, Life got really lonely. But amidst feeling like everyone was out of reach I came to commit to running, I formed plans to help prepare me for life after BYU, and I chose to take my Yoga Instructors course. If I had been so preoccupied with friends and pillow talk and parks and adventuring I dont think I would have had so much time to ponder my future.

And thats why being lonely is sometimes super awesome.