With Fingers Crossed

It has begun. Another tomorrow has arrived and the world has not ended. I really just think of the new year as another day we are blessed to be alive, I suppose it isnt much of a milestone in my mind, although I admit I like the closure it represents. I like things to come full circle and for chapters to end.

So I begin this next chapter of my choose your own adventure with my fingers crossed. I think this year is about to be crazy. Without knowing much of anything that will happen I already have plans to see snow, something I miss in epic proportions, and then to do placements in 4 hospitals and to graduate and to sign a contract for a job. Those are all kind of largeish things, especially the snow part. So I have my fingers crossed that I will be brave and that I will be able to rise up to these pages that are growing up and preparing for a career. This time I cant just back out and go back to school, I am going to step into the real world. So I want to make the most of the last year of my student days. I am not going to hold back and miss out on the small but monumental things.

As motion city says, with fingers crossed their will be love.

One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty Eight plus Twenty Three

The year is about to end. It has less than two handfuls of hours left in the place where I reside. Year endings always make me reflect. And in this reflection I often come to many conclusions and realizations.

This year started out with my house flooding (which I will reminisce about on my floodiversary), and is going to end with a quiet night to conteract that chaos. I think thats not what I want to write about. This isnt a recap of my year, thats what Christmas letters are for, and I dont do those, mostly because it would be boring and I would likely just send it to my Mum who would mock me for it. So that isnt what this is.

I feel at peace with this year. Dont get me wrong, this year was hard. I spent most of it being under the weather in unfortunate circumstances it seemed but  really that doesnt matter, except that it has made me so much stronger. This year kinda battered me up a bit. It was like that one part of a fight where I was losing but then somehow didnt get knocked out. But I look back and I am okay with it. I learned so much about how you cant do everything alone and that even though I am excessively independent that sometimes I need people. I learned that you cant trust everyone and that not everyone really cares, but that when you find people that do care that you shouldnt ever let them disappear. I also found out that I am more stubborn and set in my ways than I realized, I like things a specific way and I dont really like other people doing them differently. I also think I found a lot of myself this year. It was a year when I introspected and found out what actually mattered and decided to focus on those things regardless of what it made me lose.

I am happier now. I feel less burdened with things that made me less of who I want to be. I feel less insecure. Two Thousand and Eleven was really hard, but I have stopped waiting and wishing for days and fifty two weeks to be awesome and I have started taking control of my own life and making those days and weeks what I want. I realized that if I want things I need to work and fight for them, habits dont just form and people dont just change.

I have already begun my resolutions and I am stoked for this year. Even if it's really hard again that will be okay, I can handle it. So farewell year, I am ready to move on.

Your Letterbox

I write a lot of letters that dont end up posted. Some I just write in my head over and over and over and some I write out but leave in notebooks or crumple up. They are always full of words I want to say but dont know how, or dont know if I should. I tend to put my foot in my mouth or come across the wrong way because I get so awkward around feelings so I usually just write it out, and then dont send it.

This is the note I keep scrawling over in my head today.

Remember how we randomly met at a wedding and then you fb stalked me and asked me out? Well  I had a boyfriend but immediately after receiving your message I broke up with him. I figured if I was that excited to actually get to know you I shouldnt be dating someone else. I think the point is ever since that first time we chatted you have impressed me and intrigued me and I constantly wonder if you realize how epically great you are. You changed my life on your porch steps. Thank you. I wish I lived on that continent so we could awkwardly hang out more.

Maybe I will post it to you one day. I wish I was brave like that.

Opening the Letterbox

Time passes and people change. In the season of embracing change and striving to become someone better and less obsessed with the past I decided it was time to move on. Time to actually let myself step away from the past and to build a life where I am. So I walked away from my blog that held so much heartache and longing for people and places that were no longer mine. I want to say this will be different, that I wont have ridiculous posts are boys that are so wrong for me or wishing for snow when I live somewhere so far from that, but that wouldnt be true. Inside I am still the same girl. I still miss home and am dying to be in love, but this time I am a little more grown up and actually ready to move on entirely. Welcome to my letterbox. May you find words of love, laughter and encouragement as you tread along your own journey.