One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty Eight plus Twenty Three

The year is about to end. It has less than two handfuls of hours left in the place where I reside. Year endings always make me reflect. And in this reflection I often come to many conclusions and realizations.

This year started out with my house flooding (which I will reminisce about on my floodiversary), and is going to end with a quiet night to conteract that chaos. I think thats not what I want to write about. This isnt a recap of my year, thats what Christmas letters are for, and I dont do those, mostly because it would be boring and I would likely just send it to my Mum who would mock me for it. So that isnt what this is.

I feel at peace with this year. Dont get me wrong, this year was hard. I spent most of it being under the weather in unfortunate circumstances it seemed but  really that doesnt matter, except that it has made me so much stronger. This year kinda battered me up a bit. It was like that one part of a fight where I was losing but then somehow didnt get knocked out. But I look back and I am okay with it. I learned so much about how you cant do everything alone and that even though I am excessively independent that sometimes I need people. I learned that you cant trust everyone and that not everyone really cares, but that when you find people that do care that you shouldnt ever let them disappear. I also found out that I am more stubborn and set in my ways than I realized, I like things a specific way and I dont really like other people doing them differently. I also think I found a lot of myself this year. It was a year when I introspected and found out what actually mattered and decided to focus on those things regardless of what it made me lose.

I am happier now. I feel less burdened with things that made me less of who I want to be. I feel less insecure. Two Thousand and Eleven was really hard, but I have stopped waiting and wishing for days and fifty two weeks to be awesome and I have started taking control of my own life and making those days and weeks what I want. I realized that if I want things I need to work and fight for them, habits dont just form and people dont just change.

I have already begun my resolutions and I am stoked for this year. Even if it's really hard again that will be okay, I can handle it. So farewell year, I am ready to move on.