Are We Over Capacity Because Employees Sleep Here?

I understand rush hour. I have learned to be patient when it takes me 60-75 minutes for a 40 minutes commute to get home from work as everyone else is trying to do so and our road system is poor. However, this week is really wearing me down. Last week it was major road closures because of flooding. Ninety minutes to work on Friday, Fridays are typically 35-40 minutes and I leave early enough to avoid traffic. Monday it was only 15 minutes longer than normal. Tuesday and Wednesday, even with the roads back open, my quiet morning drives became 90 minutes. This morning a bridge started to collapse into the river, with 5 train cars on it, carrying 80,000 kg of flammable/explosive material each. This led to a radius being closed involving all roads going to the South. I live North of the city and work near the city's south limits. So 2 hours again, even with leaving at 6 am!

I dont think I can handle this. It is exhausting crawling along roads. Feeling tired and hungry because you left so early. Feeling anxious because you cant do a single thing. And then hearing every single time that the mayor (whom I dislike greatly) urges employers to ask staff to stay home and to provide a day off. My employer is the hospital, days off dont exist.

The hospital is over capacity because of the flooding. A whole town is still flooded and residents havent even seen their homes in a week. Some roads and railways are entirely destroyed. And yet we are expected to show up to work like nothing is happening. I just want a day off to do clean up. To try and make a difference. Instead I am looking for an empty hospital bed to claim because with the current commute I am much better off sleeping here than commuting for four hours a day.

This whole crisis hasnt outwardly affected my life but it is really wearing me out. Floods suck.

XXXXXXX

I understand why Scott thought those represented kisses under the phone number, Why would you assume it represented seven evil exes? You probably wouldnt.

An ex and I chatted the other night. I am one of those people that stays friends with exes until they are married. Then it is like they have died. Or become zombies, something to avoid. But as we chatted I had the fleeting thought that I may be done racking up exes. I mean there is no ring but I am mostly positively sure that I am with the love of my life and that means that I can stop the whole exing game.

So in commemoration I have decided to write about seven of my worst relationships. Now this isnt to say I dated awful people. This is to say we were awful together. And looking back I am retarded. But it also makes me laugh. I am such an idiot.So let the journey begin. In no order at all.

X. This boy and I had little in common besides our entire class schedule. So it made sense to study together. This lead to a month or two of constant being together and many dinners with his family and me losing a dozens bets on exams. We were dating and loving it except I wouldnt admit we were dating because he was too cocky and half the time I couldnt decide if we liked each other or if we just liked the convenience. Then one day after we had all our classes together he texted me that he still loved his ex. Fail. Mostly because we still had a month or two of classes together. Note, we are still friends and he is as arrogant as always. What a champ.

X. Junior year. I was nailing wanting to be a doctor and at a party to celebrate the new season of Scrubs I met a boy. We became friends and he wanted to date. Oddly enough he knew X above and one time I ditched him for X above and he got mad because he had told everyone we were dating, except for me. I was utterly lost. Over the next year or two we hung out and sorta dated but he never would say anything mean. I hated it! It was like every time we hung out I just wanted him to punch me in the face. I couldnt handle how incredibly nice and genuine he was. So it couldnt work. I spent all out time together trying to convince him to be mean. He has a wife now so he may be dead. I wouldnt even know.

X. Somehow post X listed first I met another boy. And we dated and he was so hot and cold. Seventy Eight percent of the time I didnt know if he liked me. He just constantly kept me hanging. Then I moved to Canada for a summer. We talked and were to date when I returned. I was smitten. Until I got back and realized he was hooking up with my best friends friend. Awkward for him when he met my best friend at the other girls apartment and the next day came to mine and saw her again. Needless to say I opted out, he dated the other girl. They broke up. He called me and we starting spending too much time together. Somehow I got out of this. I dont know how. But randomly he used to always call me to either try and get back together or to talk about how he missed the other girl, who I was now friends with... When I moved to Australia he told me he wanted to ask me to not go. He missed me. I dont know how, we never talked and he treated me like crap. Two months later he was engaged. Dead.

X. Interject aussie relationship. I was flooded and homeless. Two uni boys let me in. Fast forward six months and one of these men was my best friend. We spent every day together doing whatever. So eventually I was like uh we are kinda dating hey. So we dated. And fell in love. And he had no qualities I wanted. He preferred drinking to spending time with me. He didnt want marriage or kids, he wanted instant gratification. But after 8 months of every day together all I saw was that I couldnt live without him. I was so wrong. He didnt ever show interest in my interests. Religion meant nothing. And he never wanted anyone to know we were dating. Welcome to brutal breakup and arguing because I wasnt a moraless girl. Hello, I had the same standards from homeless day one. We were so incredible wrong for each other. I was lonely and an idiot. I wish I could go back and punch idiot lonely aussie Lauren.

X. Aussie ex again. This one is hilarious to me. I was working in a rural hospital with no entertainment. Enter hot Orthopaedic surgeon that came across as being arrogant and misinformed. We first met at a presentation you did. I thought you screwed up most of the orthopaedic tests and was dying as I knew them. Somehow two weeks later some bantering and usual friendly conversation had occurred and you started asking around about me. A week later we were dating. Intensely. Who cares that you were Muslim and I was Mormon? It worked. We were less flirty at the hospital to keep it kosher. But as I asked another surgeon a question one day and he made implications about you and I, I nearly died. Eventually I moved back to the city after celebrating your birthday. One week later you sent me a text saying it was too hard. Hello. Thanks for not trying. Idiot. I learned a lot about Islam though and learned that he wasnt trying to learn about my religion at all. All talk no walk. Try not to kill anyone on the table dear. 

X. Sophmore year. One of the  most disastrous years of my life. And somehow I met a boy. But I told him not to love me because I would just go back to Canada for the summer and I had a boy on a mission that I was fond of. He didnt listen. We fell in love. For 10 or 11 months we were the worst couple. We argued about every single thing you can imagine. And when we would argue in the car I would play a recorder as loud as possible. We were so in love and brought out the worst in each other. It was constant tearing apart and wanting to throw things. I dont even know why. I think because I was you. I didnt understand love or anything really. He was married not long after we broke up and never again did we speak. Although I did have his sister chop my hair once after that.

X. And the cake arrives. Prior to now this was the most real I think I ever had felt about someone. And it made no sense. When we dated he treated me like crap. When we didnt date he treated me almost like a princess. He would let me cry. He would ask the questions no one would ask. He knew everything that no one else would ever know. And I loved him. But he didnt ever want me to love him. And he wasnt sure he could love me the way I needed to be loved. He wanted to play the card of the douche that didnt care even when I knew otherwise. he couldnt be everything I wanted him to be. But I somehow loved him more than I knew possible. It has been two and a half years since I said goodbye to him and flew across the world and spent months wondering how we would end up together. And somehow with the time and distance and looking back we laugh about how he was such a tool to me. He is one of the most influential people in my life and I think we will never see each other again and it wont matter. We were everything the other person needed but we would be the worst together. We were the worst together. We are our best when we are completely not dating. He was an awful boyfriend. 

At this moment I so badly wish I could put these seven men in a room and hear their thoughts about our relationship. I picture it being a disaster. But one I wouldnt be able to take my eyes off of. My exes arent really evil. They just were so entirely wrong for me and I never saw it until after, way after. I dont even know how I managed to find someone that can look past all of this crazy and love me.

Flood You

Over the past 2 years, 5 months and 13 days I have formed some opinions in regards to flooding. Opinions I did not ever expect to have. It has been emotional the last few days. Not because I am stranded or alone this time but because I know the devastation and I know how so many people are about to feel as they are let back into their homes this week.

It seems amazing that a city usually covered in snow is now full of water. That our greatest event of the year is only days away and the grounds are flooded. We arent Calgary without a Stampede. We need this. We need to feel something normal and to remind ourselves that we are stronger than this.

I am so much more removed this time. I mean I have already had to re-enter life. As the first 25 suburbs were evacuated I was at work. When I realized the roads to my home were all cut off due to flooding I was still at work. And this morning as I wait for the big announcement on the Stampede I am at work. It seems surreal to be doing something so trivial when there are so many people who's homes have been destroyed.Yet I know that at this point there is so little I can do. The waters have to recede. The homes have to be inspected. The belongings collected. It is about to be a long hard road for a lot of people and my heart is breaking for them.

I am so over floods. Over their inconsideration. Over the looting that they inevitably cause. Over the anxiety and loss they leave in their murky waters. I would be most happy if I never saw a flood again. They are making me age much too quickly.

The Truman Lauren Show

I often wish  wonder if my life is a movie or television show.  Not because I think it is so drama filled and fascinating that citizens of all places would tune in, but because strange things always happen and when they happen I usually can imagine the song that would be used to accompany it.  Dramatic, I know. I just can't help the way I feel. I constantly am narrating my own life and adding in the music and usually finding it to be fascinating.

Like the other night, I nailed a Tide-to-go commercial. Imagine a pale pink dress with red wine spilled across the front and back. Out comes my Tide-to-go and next thing you know the dress is basically perfect. The wedding continues and I assume relatively few knew, minus the ones still in awe from my skill. Perfect commercial. Except it was my life.

And somehow there tends to be characters full of drama that I cant avoid, like the ones you see on the Bachelor and wonder how they can possibly be real people and how the Bachelor can even want to date them. These characters feel placed in my life to add hype and to obtain viewers. So clearly there is a high probability that me writing this blog is not useful as everyone is already watching my every move.

This must be how Truman felt. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I actually lived in Australia for two years or if those thoughts have been planted. Maybe I never left here. Maybe nothing is real.

But then again what is reality? 

Cause You Gave Me The Best Mixtape I Have

Warning. This may be sappy. Vomit now.

I dont even know who I am. There are moments when I feel so in love it freaks me out and I just want someone to punch me in the face.I was given a mix cd many years ago. I listened to it as I do and that was that. Somehow over the years it keeps coming back. For example, a year ago I woke up in a rural Australian town with a song stuck in my head. And by song I mean two lines. I had no idea how this happened or what it was but I was obsessed with it all day til I found out it was All At Once by Valencia. I then had to sort out how I knew it and why it was so familiarly vague. Eventually, I sorted out that it was from this mix cd from many years back.

Then it was wedding weekend and I found myself searching for this particular cd. Probably because it is labelled "Will You" and the first song is entitled Marry Me. So I spent the weekend with this album on repeat and I dont know if that did it, or if it was because of the wedding or if it was just me. But it feels like we were meant to be from the beginning I just couldn't see it. I wonder if you knew. I like to think we are together because of me. Because on the first day of this year I decided we were going to be and then proceeded to ask you out and text you while you were away til you realized it. So I like to think it was me that realized it but I dont think it was. It just took me awhile to see what you saw all along.

You gave me the best Mixtape I have, and even all the sad songs ain't so sad.

I am pretty sure we couldnt be more perfect for each other. You make me mental some days. And I need that. I cant handle everything being too perfect or sappy. I need the disagreeing about irrelevant things and the sarcasm. I am so in love I dont know what has happened to who I knew I was. I have become someone I never understood and for once I think it might be the right thing.

I Walked Down the Aisle

It didn't hit til the morning of. This was quite likely going to be the only time I would ever walk down an aisle. I realized I had better get it right. I was worried I would somehow lose both rings as I was responsible for both until moments before. Or that I would trip or do something embarrassing. Nothing like that happened and I am pretty sure I nailed the day. Okay, I know I did. But I cant help to be a little sad I wont be the one walking down the aisle with everyone smiling and crying and watching. But I regress.

The day was beautiful. Jenn was the most beautiful bride you could ever imagine. And it wasnt because of the makeup or dress. I have never seen her glow in that way before. She looked elated. The ceremony was short and simple full of love and a few laughs, I better remember to teach her the difference between right and left. And I assume the photos look great because the backdrop was stunning but I really dont know. I imagine there will be several with my hair flying everywhere as the wind was insane but those can be deleted forever I am sure.

All that really matters is that the day went off without any drama that I know of, and the two lovers are literally in the honeymoon phase being the happiest people on earth. They met at the pool they worked at so on our way to photos we stopped there and I took this. (There would be more photos but I focused on keeping the dress from dragging in the dirt and dissipating any potential problems so I took no photos except for this). So here it is. It is okay to drool a little or be obsessed with how pretty she is.

Congratulations JP, and thank you for choosing me to be  part of this day. I love you.

Quarters and Centuries

Occasionally occasions happen that should be recorded and those are the times I feel the least like writing. When I have nothing to say and no words to convey I can ramble incessantly. I have decided this is a most inconvenient form of writers block. Alas, I am going to punch this block until it breaks and most likely leave you with a most boring and unfulfilling story of my day of spoilings.

A day of birth celebration has never been important to me so I am unsure why I decided this year it was. And in reality, I only decided that my partner make it important. I didnt really care about what anyone else thought or how they wanted to celebrate, I just wanted my partner to take time off to show me that for one day I could be above work. You see he has a career that is highly demanding and in five months this was the only time I had asked for a moment of work time to be my time instead. So I didnt even feel bad.Being the smart man he is, he took two thirds of the day off. I would be scared of my wrath too, so it was the obvious decision.

But I regress to the evening prior. Said man had decided we would do a nice dinner to celebrate. So after work and renewing my drivers license that would expire the next day I stopped by the office. I wanted a house key so I could get ready at his place instead of having to drive the hour to mine and then come back to the city. Somehow this resulted in me receiving keys to a brand new truck and leaving my car. Best birthday gift ever. Okay I couldnt keep it. He was just letting me take his truck he got that day home so he could get the oil changed in my car. What a stud. So eventually he comes home with my car oiled, washed and fueled and with flowers in his arms. Nailed it. The evening progressed to a fancy meal and then not fancy watching of the OC. I am obsessed, due to my inability to retain things I only remember the arching story of it and each episode seems brand new even though I watched them all my sophmore year and used to dream about the OC every night.

Then it was my day. I awoke to presents and balloon bouquet with a note inside. The day brought crepes and boardgames and family and cake from Winnipeg and boccie ball and presents and 25 things my family loves about me. And for once, I felt so spoiled. Between the thoughtful note and the time and the food and the overly expensive and intuitive presents I literally felt like I was a princess. It may have been the best day ever. And like all good days should end, I fell asleep curled up next to my man while him and my sister and her little beau watched a movie. One day I might stay awake for a movie but probably not.

So even though I feel really old being a whole quarter of a century I am okay with it. Because I have never felt so loved and not alone and accepted as I do right now. I think this year may be the best year of my life so far. With fingers crossed. 

ps my lover spoiled me and I want everyone to know it.

The Closest I Got To The Postal Service Was The Post Office

One time I planned a trip to Utah revolving entirely around the 10 year anniversary tour of the Postal Service. This was monumental to me as they only made the one album and havent been touring in many moons. I bought the tickets along with a limited edition pressing on vinyl the moment they were released. I was ecstatic. So the time came. I drove the fifteen hours and began to reunite with my companions. Finally the time came to drive to the Saltair. As I was on my way I decided to check in on a loved one and in doing so received an email stating the concert was cancelled due to illness. Welcome to my life.

So The Postal Service totally bailed on me but it may have made me realize a little bit more what really matters. Instead I ended up at a Lamaze class playing the role of partner. As we talked about labour and its related topics I realized that I knew this stuff, well. I knew the massages and relaxation techniques and breathing and I enjoyed it. Sometimes I forget that I learned a lot in school as I have been stuck not using it for half a year. Class progressed and somehow it seemed more important to support a best friend than it did to hear a band. Something I wouldnt usually say or feel.

My trip wasnt full of the most monumental or touristy moments. It wasnt sleepless nights and endless partying. It was reconnecting with people that have shaped and changed my life. It was bonding with a little girl whos birth I missed. And it was a reminder that I am not alone.

I may have only been to the  Post Office which was traumatic enough but I dont feel as cheated as I expected. I feel fulfilled. My roadtrip was everything I needed to remind me of who I am.