And Then I Turned Seven

It clings to you, like wet clothes in the rain. You cant shake the attachments, the emotions, the memories, the smiles and joys, the heartaches. It's like you are back in highschool. Like nothing has changed. And all if took was a few words from a song. You rapidly search for the album, as the seconds pass you feel taken back. Its like a warm hug allowing yourself to let go of the present and remember some of the stupid things that are related to that album.

Music defined my highschool life, as well as the first few years of college. I think back to the days of skinny jeans, boys skate shoes, band shirts, emo music, punk shows and nexopia. Who are we kidding, I miss all of those things. My favourite skate shoes were beyond wearing and were let go before I moved. My stack of band shirts were carefully laid in a large clear container. My cds were alphabetized and left in a brown box with a sharpie note scribbled across the top so that they would be loved while I was gone. Nexopia faded to fb and eventually I closed my account. And yet it just takes moments and I feel so drawn back to it all.

I miss the wasted hours on Purevolume listening to some other little unknown obscure band. I miss knowing all those obscure bands and having no knowledge whatsoever of popular music. I know I have grown up and created a new life around myself. One that involves shopping at yoga stores instead of skate shops. One that involves weekends studying not trying to find a parking space on a gravel road in a seedy part of town because we found some show to go to. This grown up lifeish sort of thing is great and all. I know responsibility and have learned to take on complete independence, but I cant help but wonder how I let some things go. I wonder if I could only manage things better to incorporate every side of myself. Or if its one of those things that has to fade as I mature.

When did I decide that growing up meant forgetting about the things I used to revolve my life around? Maybe its okay to let your past be part of your present.