Lineless Pages

I bought a few new notebooks today. Nothing fancy. Just small books to scribble down notes in before exams. I learn by writing so for me to study I have to go through my notes and make more compact notes and then study those and well, by this point my notebook is mostly full or used pages. So notebooks seemed like the best idea, plus I really, really like buying any sort of school supplies. So I was quite thrilled with my new purchase of these simple books. I then wandered to my typical spot in the same room of the same library as always. As I began to write I flipped the page and realized that every other page was lineless. I was shocked and confused and slightly apprehensive.

You see, in looking at the past I have learned that I cannot write straight, at all. If you ask me to write on a whiteboard my letters end up on like a forty five degree angle, and thats not even me exaggerating as I am prone to do. So seeing that I had all of these pages to write on I was a bit nervous. I didnt want my study notes to be all slanty, because with my OCD tendancies I knew that I would just end up ripping those pages out and rewriting them. So I just had to push forward and try and write straight

This may seem like nothing. But its something to me. The thing is I lack confidence, in a major way. So something as simple as having to face the fact that I cant write straight page after page just feels like its me facing a reminder that I am so flawed. Lineless pages shouldnt matter. So I am making them not matter. I am going to just write on them and study off them and just try and write straight. Its never too late to get better at something you find yourself lacking at. Its confidence building actually. Knowing that I could face something little that intimidates me just gives me a little more courage to face things that really frighten me.

And amidst all of this I bought 4 more notebooks that I super love as they are ocean themed and were less than a dollar each. So I decided for my other classes I will write in the ocean books and I am going to use the simple ones for future notes, except I will take the lineless pages to draw on because I really love drawing even if I am not very skilled at that either. At least I will make the most of something that seemed out of place and discomforting. Maybe thats the best thing to do sometimes.