You Cant Keep Looking Back While Moving Forward Without Crashing

In another lifetime someone wrote songs for me. Songs that were so beautiful. Lyrics depicting my life, music made out of love. Hearing them is like that foggy feeling you get trying to remember a dream, trying to grasp onto something thats long gone. Once you got married I refused to listen to your music. I tried to forget everything, it was all packed away carefully, until a day when I could look at it all and smile. Today may not be that day, but maybe it actually is. I can smile knowing that you loved me.

I try to not look back.

"I'm not sorry I met you, I'm not sorry it's over,I'm not sorry there's nothing to say" -Stars.

But in this moment as I close my eyes and remember when you wrote those songs for me I remember what it was like being with someone who would do anything for me. Thats what love was like. Perhaps lately I have wanted to be someone someone else missed, so much so that I forgot it shouldnt be like that. I shouldnt have to try and make you miss you. You just should if you feel the same way. Jd would understand, he told Turk he missed him so much that it hurts. Thats how I feel. Being this far away feels like its killing me somedays, what I would give just to be able to hangout with you. And maybe thats why I thought it was love. And it might be. But maybe its not. Because I worry so much about how you feel and if you think of me randomly during your days. All I know is that if it works out it will feel like it did in another life, when a boy adored me and wrote those songs for me and we were in love.