Doors

I am not that great at closing doors. But there are a fair few who would say I am not good at opening them either, figuratively and literally. I just already am sanitizing my hands dozens of times a day and doors have so many germs on them so I cant help it if I just slip in behind someone most of the time to avoid touching the doors, it is just me keeping my hands clean. But that isnt where this is going.

I just was thinking about how much I over think things and how it is as if I always want to have one foot in those ominous doors even when I know I dont want to go inside. I want to say I know why but I am not sure I do. I think I just dont like ends or goodbyes or the definitive. I like to think that there is always a bit of hope when really I should just walk away and let the door shut in its own time. Maybe it is because I like proper closure. I like to know that a chapter is entirely done with no turning back before I  move onto the next. It could be something I am conditioned to or because I havent always felt ready for the next chapter and yet it has come. All I know is that even when I think I have let a door close I often find it open a crack the next time I find myself wandering past. And like a cat I let curiosity get the best of me. So instead of peering through the cracks or reaching into closing elevators I think I am going to consciously let go of all the little things, the words said or unsaid, the messages sent or the ones not received, the poles run into and the pictures of previous lives. Maybe doors dont ever close  but we just move on to places too far to notice doors long passed.