Is it My Fault? We've Been Missing Each Other, We've Been Missing Each Other

We all have zones of comfort. Usually these places have clear boundaries. And I am one of those people that has been living within those zones. Social anxiety is just one of those things that became a part of existence  nothing outside the ordinary. I could say that I have just been really busy, I had work or to study or transit just is awful out there. I know all of the excuses, and I have probably invented ones you havent even thought of. But I think it all comes down to the fact that I get so nervous around people I dont know. Which seems crazy to the people that know me. I can be the girl that doesnt shut up. There is a reason my grandfather referred to me as Chatterbox for many years. But that isnt the same. Put me in a social situation and watch me flounder.

But living within self made limitations is just that, limiting. And I could try and justify that all of this is a two way street but the truth is I havent put myself out there at all really since I got on that first long flight. I suppose moving across the world is a stretch of comfort but it isnt really. It just happened. Going to things and meeting people is much more of a stretch. So I finally decided to accept that all I was doing was creating excuses. So I stopped. And I started to at least try to attend things and actually talk to people. And so quickly I realized a lot. I have kinda been missing out, entirely on my own accord. I mean it is really nerve wracking and I get all flushed and fumble when I have to try and have awkward first conversations but I have already actually gotten to know people that were no more than a familiar face and with that I can see how it was all in my head. I dont know why people make me so nervous. But I think it is mostly imaginary because the last couple of weeks I have tried to throw it all aside and just not let the anxiety be the deciding factor. Showing up somewhere alone isnt that bad. I find there is always a familiar face close enough by that it isnt like walking into a room of isolation.

And all of this leads to the point. I have that mindset that the right people come at the right times and that things happen for reasons and that there is a plan much bigger than I can see. Kinda like those rugs that the creepy witches make in Hercules. So I never think about the fact that if I dont put myself in places where other humans reside how can I expect to experience all of these beautiful parts of my rug? I probably cant. So when I met someone for the first time that I really should have at least run into at some point in the last many many months all I could think was, is it my fault we've been missing each other? Maybe that is why this song has resonated so loudly. Or it could be because it is a really good song. But either way I think I have realized that I should be a bit more open minded when it comes to actually wandering outside the neatly fenced in zone of comfort. I think there is a lot on the other side of the fence that I wrote off for no reason. So I am going to try and miss out on a little bit less.