Sometimes Legs Break Off, That's Why Superglue Was Invented

It is Thursday. Fact. Sunday night seems ages ago and yet this week has also gone so fast. I am striving to find the best way to describe it all and how just a few simple days can seem to have such a purpose. Everyday has a purpose I just dont usually get that. But lately it seems as if I am more insightful or possibly just less blind. I think either could be it. Most likely I am just being more aware to the obvious. So here is to the possibly obvious.

This week was mid placement feedback. Something I actually was terrified for. Not because it means the end of another placement approaches but because I didnt want to hear that I had let someone down. I think that is what it all comes down to for most things. I like to think that at the end of it all I at least tried and that that was enough. But sometimes I wonder, I wonder if others can see what I am putting down or if errors are more blatant than anything else. So as I sat across that table I was nervous. So nervous I possibly had tried to convince a patient to come in with me and tell them I was awesome, he thought I was joking. And as the words came out I realized that I have just been so hard on myself and not even taken a moment to realize where I am actually am at. I see the apparent discouragement of job searching and the future and forget that my successes in the moment will lead to a less difficult path towards a career. And then today when I had finally cracked a patient into bonding with me I recognized how much I entirely love what I do.

Sometimes I second guess it all. And everything. I pick up those hidden textbooks and wonder if I have made a mistake and just took a detour from the proper path. But then I have days like today when I can see how much I fit in in this world of patients and bonding and physio and hospitaling. And it wasnt just that. This week has been so much more than workplace recognitions. It has been filled with thoughts of the Human Book and how much I realize all the things that make up me that I never mention out of fear. And somewhere amidst the capillary burstings and the feedback and Batman and quietly reading and listening to records I have just felt more at ease than I have in a really long time.

I think like Justin and his poor legs that break off because he is a small marbleish unicorn that I carry around too often, I can be repaired and be like new. For so long I thought that everything that had happened had only broken me, I never saw that all I needed was to some superglue and I could be like new again. I really didnt see that there was a light at the end, that I could come to terms and feel a real sense of forgiveness and acceptance and all of those words I pretended to know before life placed hills and mountains along my path. I just hope that the glue is strong enough for whatever comes next because somehow I know this ease wont last forever.