It Was Like an Emotion

It wasnt like sad sadness. It was like longing. Or acceptance. Or maybe sadness. That could still be an option. I dont really understand emotions or how they are classified. So maybe I will just say that it was like an emotion. I just dont know how to explain it but I really want to figure out. I want to be able to explain it to you. I just am not sure how to start. Oh hey I have a hole that may never be filled and because of that sometimes I cry secretly.  That just screams crazy. But I know that if I just say it factually it will come across like I dont care and that it doesnt hurt but it still does and it will until the day that relationship is repaired and even then I think it will still hurt. I am starting to get to a point where I actually want to explain to you all of the things that are real but I dont know if you are ready to hear all of that. I dont know if I am ready to let it all out.

I started writing this a week today. Today I had the same impression. I think I just need to go back to the beginning and let it all out so that you understand where I am coming from. The vagueness I have provided doesnt do it justice. For you to be a real part of my life you have to understand how I ended up where I am. I just dont know the proper way to express things so emotion filled and I am scared if I do you will think twice about this ship we put a relation on. If only I could use a magic eight ball for more than question answering. Somehow I think it would make this simpler. Or maybe it would all be simpler if I didnt feel like their divorce crumbled me for so long. Either way I think it is time for me to go back to the beginning and to lead you along the path that involves the emotions I avoid so well.