I suppose they arent awkward for most people, just for me. I just dont cope with expressing emotion or explaining myself or discussing anything that could have awkward potential. But for some reason I feel like I should record it. Not because I think I need to defend my choices or explain myself, but because I want to remember why.
I understand that nothing is perfect and that for things to be worth having you have to fight for them. And I am not as blinded as it seems like people think. I am logical still. Not entirely but enough. I get that some things are different and maybe that means they aren't the same but that doesn't mean that there isn't some place for reconciliation. And I also believe that experiences happen to lay foundations. And if you can see a whole lattice work underneath you maybe it is because it has set you up for something really important. And that's exactly where I am looking down from. I can't even begin to make sense of how much was carefully laid down beneath my feet. It ranges from people, to conversations in cars, to courses and places and just a lot of life things that now all seem to have led to where I am now.
And with all of that so visible, as well as the fatal laws of attraction and perhaps the realizations that this isn't the same as everything else I have just chosen to go with what I think and want to work for instead of what others may think. One time someone said the right person comes at the right time and it fits together and you dot have to fight it. And I think that's how falling in love should be so I think maybe I will just let the pieces fall into place and see what happens. Maybe this time it will be real.
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