They Paved Paradise and Put Up A Parking Lot

It sounds dramatic and I know that but that is not even going to remotely stop the words that I intend to write. I just cant get over how much I feel paved over compared to before. So let me paint the scene.

I found out in December what my placements were. I was in fact shopping with one of my best friends who was visiting from Uhmerica and we were buying underwear. I got an email and was like "OHMYGOSHMYFUTUREISCOMINGTOPASS" something like that at least. So there I was. I quickly read them and one was Hervey Bay. I was initially excited. It was better than a lot of rural options. I soon found out most of my foreign friends didnt have any rural placements. Then I was bummed. Why should I have to be the one moving away for 5 weeks? I mean I dont have my parents or centre link paying my way. I just have my own massive loan. So I found myself super frustrated that I had to be in the boat of extra expenses while others were just laying on the beach so to speak.

So time went on and the closer it got the more anxious I felt about it. I was finally settling into life and work and friends were going along better than ever yet here I was about to quit work and leave the little I knew behind. Then somehow it became one of the best things to ever happen. The hospital was everything I could hope for as a student because it was basically a "go for it, and we will stop you if you suck" kinda thing. The second day the other student and I cumulatively  saw ten patients. And it just got better. We worked with all the allied health team members, the doctors and the nurses. It really was an amazing five weeks, and that is completely seperate from the fact that I met someone pretty rad.

Then I came back. What I thought I wanted. And after two days I can only think that this is what death by internal suffocation is like. We literally spent an hour today talking about how to wash hands, put on gowns and gloves. I am dying. My skills and abilities are being crushed. I havent even come within a metre of a patient let alone do anything of any importance. This place is crushing my soul and making me spend my time thinking of rusty spoons like creepy salad fingers. If something doesnt change soon I may end up like a paradise turned parking lot. Or just really weird and creepy like salad fingers. I dont even know.