It isn't a coincidence that I have read more than several books involving law and juries lately. They however doesn't remotely lessen the blow, or perhaps the anxiety when you suddenly are hit by a train informing you that the jury is out on a decision involving you.
It would be easier if the arguments were clear cut. If the decision was obvious and I knew what the verdict would be. But the fact that there isn't some answer that screams obvious is killing me. Killing me to the point that I can feel real tears tearing me apart inside. I care too much. I became too invested. Sometimes I wonder if the best lawyers are the ones they can dissociate their feelings. But I am not a lawyer, and I can't do that at all. All it seems like I can do is wait. And try not to let the ache and anxiety of it all eat away at everything I feel I have.
Who knew that after six days I would find myself having discussions that were so much longer term and ones that actually had reason as the future may persuade the present. I can't help it but to want another chance at a closing argument, one that doesn't involve my sad eyes and a door. One that has me reaching out and saying "take my hand, I am all in".
Who knew that the similarities between Muslims and Mormons would actually send a fictitious jury out to contemplate a future, or actually two. Perhaps all I can say is with fingers crossed there will be love.
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