I have choices to make. Some of which need to be made very soon. And yet I am avoiding them. I recognize all of the other overwhelming things in my life and cling to them as a reason to procrastinate decision making. I dont like making hard choices, ones that dont have a clear answer, ones that may not have a good outcome either way. I am extremely skilled in avoiding this choices and leaving them to the last minute. Not a quality I admire in myself.
So as we were on the swings I laid it out for you. I told you one of my choices, and likely not the hardest one weighing down on me right now, but one I need to make. I told you my reasoning for both sides. I think the answer is clear. I just am afraid of offending someone. I want to make the other choice, the one that lets me try and relive a past that is not my present for a few days. To try and recapture things that are gone. To see people that I wish were more willing to do that much to see me. Reality is that if I make that choice I will just be living in the past. And the past left me saying goodbye in tears and my heart beginning to break. After eight months of healing maybe its time to move on. To stop trying to force the past to be my present. Maybe I need to grow up and just make a hard choice because it will be better financially and emotionally. Maybe disappointing a few people will be best in the long run.
I just cant seem to overcome this indecisiveness and make a firm decision. Its time to clear my head and think of my heart. I need to make the best choice as soon as I can recognize it.
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