My Residual

I felt powerful, like I had overcome something like rock climbing a mountain face. My path appeared so much easier. I was ready for the flat ground, the rest from climbing. I didnt realize there was residual affects that I couldnt see. Its comparable to the ache in your forearms post climbing, an aching you cant see but you definitely cant feel.

This residual lies in the fear of being left. That I will wake up and you will have changed your mind. That there will be a text or voicemail or something telling me everything has changed. Except it wont say that, it would say that you are leaving but things will be okay. Words that mean nothing. Words that just will tear you apart.

You are not him. I really dont think you would do that. And is there even anything to walk away from at this point? I dont know. I just know that I feel something deep inside me that says I can be left. That even when I think the path is level and that I am prepared that something can come and shake everything. I dont want to be afraid of you leaving. I dont want to be left. But this is a residual effect of choices that I didnt make. I guess its not over yet, there are still wells of pain I have yet to uncover.