There is not another description for it. It is like I know exactly what I am about to do but not really knowing what is to come after the fall. Yet in a way it doesnt seem like a choice. Not like I thought it would. I expected to have two platters brought to me. Both full of the most succulent meals you can imagine. Ones that would literally make your mouth water. And then I would be able to choose which one but also I imagined myself being able to take the best of both worlds. My imagination can be so selfish sometimes apparently. And sadly when it comes to reality what I imagine is often so far from fact.
So here I am. I think I know what I need to do. And knowing is so much worse that not knowing. Maybe because I havent been struck by lightening so dont feel like it is a for sure. I dont know why I want a punch in the face to verify each large decision. But I do. So please punch me in the face. Or just let me know if this is right. Because either way I can see people giving me sad faces and either way I have to make a choice that is so much harder than I thought. And now that I think I have an answer I am scared that I am too weak to follow through. I just know it is going to be hard. And that discomfort and lack of ease is going to hit as soon as I decide and put things into action. I just wanted an easy path this turn.
I hope that someone is waiting to catch me at the bottom of this because I am afraid I am about to walk off the ledge and realized there is nothing there.
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