Just A Thing That Takes Time

But it's mine to decide when and if I'll be alright. But that's just a thing that takes time.

It feels like it has been an eternity. I have a life here. One I created for myself from nothing. Some days it  feels like this is all I know. And other days I feel like I just walked off the plane. And because of these conflicting feelings I am at a loss. And I entirely know this isnt a decision for today, or tomorrow or even probably this week. I know it needs time. But I also recognize the timeframe is shrinking. It is like watching shrink art in the oven. All of a sudden it is done and you need to pull them out. A decision will have to be made. And the truth is I have no idea what I am going to do.

I know there are pros and cons for staying and going. I know that these are both internal and external. People could make arguments for days on either end. And both options are good. I just dont know what I want and what leads to the most correct path. And maybe the uncertainty is what is getting to me. I feel like a top waiting for that stop but instead everything is just going in slow motion and  I have no control.

I didnt think growing up would be full of so much uncertainty. I thought it would feel sure and strong. But this is just a thing that will take time and I need to just wait for what happens in the in between to guide I suppose a decision that will shape the next year if not many years to come.