Probably Part of Picture Bigger Than My Blind Eyes Can See

I sometimes forget that there is a bigger picture. I really should always remember it because as I noticed today, even with my excessively thick glasses the words in front of me can still be fuzzy. I think thats sometimes how I go through life. Not realizing that things could be clearer I just cant see that right now.

I keep getting glimpses of that picture though. This week I got a series of emails. I was confused at first why I was sent several instead of one. But it didnt matter. Each one contained a photo of someone special. My sister and her bf, one of my other sister at halloween, one of the girls, one of grandma and one of my beloved black sister with extensions. Somewhere in those smiles I remembered that at the end of the day they are what matter. It isnt about the petty things that happen daily its about the people that are always there and the ones you would do anything for. I wont lie, sometimes I really miss home.

But then I got another completely different look. Today I ran into someone I really hadnt seen in a year. Which makes it seem like I have been here a really long time. But I thought back to last year when he was so kind and I just wasnt even interested in dating. I was so caught up in the past and an american that I just wasnt living my life here. And as we caught up today I realized how much I have grown in the last year. I have a life here now, and I like it. I have started building up a network of people in my life in all different areas. I have routines and I like how set things are. So as we chatted I became aware of how grateful I am that in only a year I have made a home and no longer feel like I have missed out on something left behind. I wonder if I ever really felt like Utah was my home, I dont think I did. I miss it now, a lot some days, but I have actually grown enough to settle down and live now instead of always waiting until something becomes more permanent.

My eyesight is still poor, and I cant really piece together the future beyond the next 11 months that seem so rigidly set in stone. But I feel a sense of peace and excitement as I recognize that the bigger picture is holding something great because I have the things that matter most already.