I like to appear strong. Independent. Like I dont need someone else to fight my fights. I dont want people to ever think I am weak especially not weaker than boys. I may be, but I dont like to come across that way. Perhaps thats why I am so sarcastic and brash. It is really just a way hide insecurity and fear. I dont know why I have this innate since to prove myself. I dont even know who I am placing myself up against most of the time, its probably just like Chuck Norris or something, that would make sense.
It makes me wonder though, wonder why I am this way. I am pretty sure it relates to the fact that I see weakness in myself easily and dont want such weaknesses to be apparent to wandering eyes. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I can shelf emotions and painful things and look objectively at most situations and without the emotion I see the black and white of what is strong and what is weak. And maybe it is because I just want people to realize that I am strong enough to get through the sky falling. Reality is, I probably dont want to go to jail with only boys just to prove a point though.
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