You know when you have something in your head and you're sure it will be real but you actually dont want it to be? And then you get clarity. An answer. That's all you want. Perhaps it will bring closure. It will clear the murky water that appears to be your life. And you get it. You get your answer. And its exactly what you thought. You knew all along. But somehow the thought of it is suffocating. Each inhale is agonizing. Its like something is sucking all of the air out of the atmosphere and you struggle to breathe.
How can you know the answer already, be sure of it, and just be waiting for confirmation and yet when you get that confirmation it's a shock to your system? Aren't you prepared already? Mentally, verbally, you know what will happen. You anticipated it. So why does it feel so foreign? I wish I knew. I think its because I was lying to myself. I lied all along. I said it was okay. It wasn't okay. I am scared, apprehensive and feeling anxious about making everything work out. The future is hard to handle. I need to get back into the now. Into this moment. I need to recentre my thoughts.
Even though I knew in my head all along, today was still not a good day. It was a day full of overwhelmingness. Tomorrow is a new day. At least I wasnt alone today.
No comments:
Post a Comment