Perhaps You Forgot to Go

Sometimes I think that people always leave. Sometimes I am wrong. People often come and go, passing through our lives and occasionally leaving something as they wander through. But then there are a few people that come and just dont go. Often you can tell early on which ones these are. But sometimes it shocks you.

Today was a reminder of both. I needed voices from the other life today, from before I left. In a sense from people that knew me on a different level. One that wouldnt involve explanation. It would just be picking up wherever things were left and saying all the right things. Out of frustration I had sent a text, because I needed to say I was done and few people would understand where those sentiments could come from. I didnt expect much. A simple understanding was sent back. Then conversation sprinkled the day. You were someone I expected to come and go. There is a slightly convoluted history surrounding our acquaintance and yet you havent left. You somehow have become someone that knows all of the secrets and insights to my being. And amidst that you remain supportive. It has been nearly a year since I came to say goodbye. I miss you. But I smile a bit realizing it has been a year and you are still here.

Entirely opposite was the email I sent. It was to someone I knew would never leave. A best friend that has been there in a time I didnt know I needed a friend, a time when she would offer ice cream or brownies because she didnt know what else to do. There is some form of comfort in being able to talk to someone that recognizes your fear, that has witnessed the past and understands how it affects the present. Who gets how uni can be all consuming as its their life too. And to be counting down the exact same 44 days until a reuniting.

Sometimes I just like to talk to people that know me from before. To people that have wandered into my life and set up camp. I think it is because I already know they will stay and I dont always know who here will stay once I leave. Being a world away is a strain on relationships so I think I extra value the ones that have lasted through that. Today I felt really blessed to have two specific people understand me and know the exact way to listen. A little bit I miss living in Utah.