Always the Foreigner

Someone told me that me going home was an issue in a relationship. I didnt even realize that. It wasnt to me. But it got me thinking. A lot.

I first left home when I was 18. The next few years of relationships consisted of me being extremely vocal about the fact that I was from Canada. No I was not American. Although everyone knew, my accent gave me away everytime. (Now I cant even tell that I sound different than Aussies.. how much has changed..) And then when a guy would mention the future I would promptly inform him that I would be living in Canada so if that was not his plan than clearly our relationship wouldnt work. I mean why would I live in the States? Who did they think I was? And somehow I found some guys that were okay with that. How unfortunate. Really I just was immature and selfish.

Somehow years passed and I realized that I do love my homeland but I also love love. I love that feeling where you would do anything for someone because they matter that much. So somehow I find myself the foreigner again, as usual. I live somewhere so far from home. And at first I thought okay 2 years and I am gone. I will do my time, get the piece of paper qualifying me for a career than hop a plane and hit up my homeland. Yet as I sit here, single, I realize that I would stay for love. Actually, thats not what I mean, I mean I dont care where I live as long as it is me sharing my life with someone that I love and that loves me back. The place doesnt really matter compared to the people.

So as I go about being the foreigner for more at least 13 months I realize thats fine. I dont have to sound the same as everyone. This is my home. At least for now. And I want it to feel like home. So instead of me thinking in terms of how long til I leave I want to embrace this more, to make my room everything I want in a room, instead of it being decent for the time being. I want to have a schedule that mirrors what I want in life. I want to be the best person I can be instead of always thinking "I will do that when I am established." This may be my home for a long time, or maybe not. But I want it to feel like home.

And you were wrong. Me not being from here doesnt matter.