Seven

Somehow its been seven months. Exactly seven months. And yet there are moments when it feels like it happened yesterday. I dont know how other people can be so forgiving and willing to forget and move on. I wish I could just forget and move on. I wish I had more answers now than I did then, but reality is that I only have more questions. I understand it even less now. I dont know how I survived the last seven months. Well I do, so thats incorrect. It was through religion, and the women in my family and a few friends that stood up taller than I could. I feel blessed that I have grown more than ever these last seven months, but if I could go back to that day and make it never happen I would. I would change everything. Because right now, when I look back, I cant look at it like this was such a period of learning and growth and experience. It was heartbreak and betrayal and confusion. One day I know I will be stronger, and I will have forgiven, and I will be proud of the progress I will have made. But perhaps it is too soon. Perhaps it is okay that I am still healing and that I cant fully grasp onto the forgiveness side. Perhaps coming to terms with it and realizing I couldnt have done anything because it was a choice made exclusive of me, is enough for today. I survived the last seven months and I didnt let it ruin me. Perhaps thats all that can be hoped for at this stage.