Reintegration

The last three weeks have been different. I have opened my life to half of my family and for me that is a bit big. I have always enjoyed my personal space and avoided conversation and discussion about anything personal. It isnt that I like secrets, I just like independence and I dont really trust anyone, especially not these days. So I tend to just keep quiet about how I feel or what I think. But I have really tried to just be completely open with them as they have delved into my life. And it was both so rewarding yet draining. I didnt realize how much my little sister needed a big sister. I wonder if I had been gone less if I could have helped her more, but I think she is just too stubborn. I try and impart words of wisdom and love upon her ever chance I get but she hates it. Oh to be sixteen again. I am about to have two days to say goodbye on my own and then be whisked back into a world of family and I would be lying if I said I wasnt scared. It has been 6.5 years since I have truly lived in that city. I left just after I graduated high school and only returned for summers. It has been so long and I wonder if there is a place for me there. I am scared I wont fit in at home or in the community. A lot is changing. My world is changing so much. And I worry that I have forgotten how to reintegrate into a community where I dont have to just worry about myself. But I think it is time for me to put the focus a bit more on the family and see if I can help them mend, I think they are still more broken than they admit. So maybe there is more to me going home than I realize.