Hat Trick?

As my mind wandered back to the ease with which such personal topics had flown I wondered if you would be the third. You see lately I have felt like I am incapable of caring about a male specimen for any period longer than short term. I find that I get intrigued easily and lose interest even faster. I like feeling like I have to work, I dont like attention flowing easily. So as my parade of male suitors has seemed abnormally large and short lived recently I found myself frustrated. And this frustration has only been mounted by the fact that most of these short lived suitors seem to get engaged the moment they arent with me. So I have been weighted down with the wonder if I can ever care about someone for real but then I met you and realized maybe I can occasionally be real with someone and actually care.

So I am now thinking I can add a third to my list. Over the past lets say five years there have clearly been two men that have formed a foundation and become significant figures in my life. One of whom always provides me with the wisdom and confidence to make important decisions and the other always seems to know when I need someone to talk to and the right way to listen to personal problems. I am not sure the two could be more different and I doubt they will ever meet but both have changed my life dramatically and somehow the fact that after more than a week I still care about them makes me think there is hope for me.

I really dont understand how I get annoyed with humans so easily. I just cant seem to handle their attention or interest. I cant say I dont understand how I am alone. I get it. I just also wish I wasnt. And the constant engagements are starting to feel like nails in a coffin. I admit I pretend to be excited for people but inside I feel such a sense of longing and aching that I just want to wish away. However, I am holding to the fact that I may have a hat trick. And that when this week literally brought me to uncontrollable tears that the right person randomly messaged me and knew how to rescue me from my own self doubt. So inspite of this being about me not ever caring about people for a real period of time, and me wondering if I met someone new that will change my life, it is really probably about the fact that you always rescue me when I need it and that after over two years we are going to see each other and I am scared I will relove you.