I am not sure it is real. Actually I know it isn't because I haven't allowed myself to cry with a goodbye yet. It is now less than 24 hours. I am packing my life into 70kg and leaving a world I created all on my own. And I somehow didn't think it would be this difficult. I didn't realize how completely I made a life here. I made it home. It was like a place no one could destroy because no one else created it. It was under my control. But that's why I came. I needed to regain control of my life. But I suppose now that I have let my hair grow out again and acknowledged the reality of so much I am ready to face the world I left.
So much as changed in two years. I am a completely different person now than when I left. I have learned who I am and how to love and I have come to know forgiveness. As everything rearranges I am terrified. I fear my faith isn't strong enough and that I am making a mistake. But deep down I know this will be everything I need.
My world is changing. And it does mean Christmas is changing too.
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