Wishes Mean Nothing

I have a vivid imagination, I can think of something and let it run wild. And this happens often. Yet I find that I often can come up with grandious wishes and I play them out so many times that when it doesnt happen it is a let down.

For example, a few years back when a lovely boy came home from his church mission of 2 years I was so sure we would get married. I loved him so and we had been writing for so long. It seemed like that fairytale type of story. Then he came home and everything had changed, it was like wedding bells were dead. Yet I had spent those 2 years getting so psyched about it that it was such a blow when I realized that was all in my head.

As the years have passed this has happened over and over again as I have let my imagination run wild with thoughts of a moment, a night, an event, a human. Yet time after time I find myself on that fall down to reality as I realize what I had imagined was so epic compared to the truth. Dont get me wrong, the opposite happens so often to. And when what you imagine is surpassed by reality it is glorious, but thats not the point of this.

So once again I have found my incessant wishing has gotten me little. I am still here, he is still not here, and he wont ever be here. All along I think I knew that. I had just wished so hard that it would not be that way that even I started to believe that things might change. But wishes mean nothing. Everytime I wish on a star or throw a coin in a well or write my wishes down it seems like nothing changes. Because nothing does change. Change comes from action, from perseverance, from work and time. Wishing is just a way of wanting something but not being able to do it, whether it be because it is out of our hands or because we are too lazy to step up.

I think I am ready to stop allowing my wishes to take my hopes and then murder them. I am tired of realizing that what I have imagine or hoped for is really just something that will stay in my head and never become real. Maybe I am ready to live in reality a little more longterm, at least when it comes to major wishing.