"maybe because you hate yourself the universe is making so many boys like you to even it out...cancel out the hate with a whole lot of like!!! even if it makes you uncomfortable"

Maybe you are right. Maybe because I have let life punch me in the face and instead of getting up I stayed down and cried and then after hated myself for staying down and crying, something had to happen. Maybe thats why all of these nonsensical random friendings are happening. I think you put it in the best of words. Which is typical for you, you understand the things that I dont say.

Hating myself wont get me anywhere good though. Its just in the middle of that spiral downwards. You know that spiral, the one where things just start going down and then the next thing you know you have watched your life spin out of control and you have no idea how you got to that place, but you know that you hate yourself for letting it get there. But by that point you feel like there is nothing you can do to fix it. Its like its too late. So then things just keep spiraling. It is an awful cycle. One I am all too familiar with.

Why is it that as humans we tend to be so much harder on ourselves than anyone else? We can give others slack or embrace their short comings, but when it comes to ourself its like nothing will ever be good enough. I think this year I need to start loving myself a little bit more, and work on getting back out of this spiral that someone engulfed me when I was not watching.