I do not usually think of myself of someone that is overly fearful. Until I start talking. Then I realize it. And sometimes when I realize that I think "dangit! Why I am such a pansy?!". But I think maybe I am not a huge pansy, and here is why.
There is reasoning behind nearly all of my fears. They are not just illegitimate random things I chose out of a hat. I dont like escalators because once I got my shoelace caught in one and once I tripped on one and got rather cut up. I get nervous when I run in the dark and have to tell someone how long I will be gone for and the exact route I will run because in middle school a girl on my street was raped. I do not like being home alone in the dark because that is always the scene in movies before the girl is attacked, and lets be honest, I am not overly large in stature or strong. I do not like wasps because I stepped on a ground wasp next as a child and they chased and attacked me. I get nervous driving over train tracks because in elementary school the father of a boy in my class was killed on train tracks.
So really most of my fears are logical when referenced back to history. The only one that might still feel flawed is spiders but I entirely think they will kill me in my sleep, hence my fear. As I realized that I wasnt just fearful of the world and everything in it just a few things because of life experiences I realized how wrongly I think sometimes. I have such a hard time seeing the bigger picture in both my own life and in others and it can be like my head is in the sand. I really want to be a better person, one that can be a bit more open to the fact that I dont know others life experiences and what brought them to this point. That would probably help me be a less evil person.
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