The world was moving on, yet it felt like it had stopped. All I felt was my own breath and the steady beating of my heart. I had recessed into my own mind. I realized a fatal flaw. Pride and the need for order had clouded my judgement. I had seen it as rule breaking. In my head sixty minutes shouldnt be stretched to ninety and sun salutations shouldnt begin when savasana should be starting. It went against my thoughts. So I withstood. My stubborn side pushed through and I had avoided the situation. It was different tonight. I allowed myself to let go of the clock, to recognize that a new style is refreshing and that if we taught the same it would be too easy to compare faults. It was challenging and I needed that. I needed to lose the pride and to realize that I have so far to go.
Spending all of my time in front of the room guiding each pose and following my habits had allowed the pride to sink in. The moment I realized the issue was in my pride not in her teaching it all changed. I became teachable. I let it go back to the practice. All that mattered. It was not about her or me or that we both teach. It was about growing and finding myself and bringing it back to my breath.
I will change my ways. I will release this pride and work harder to become a better teacher and to grow. I want to work through the poses she challenges me with and be able to bring new life into my classes. I fear I revert back to the old prideful yogi in me but I want to be better, regardless, I will hold on hope.
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