Stars: The North

Blue Vinyl. How could I resist? I am a therapeutic shopper. I have no problem admitting it. It isnt the best outlet but I suppose it could be worse. Heroin would be worse. So would binge eating. So I may not be doped up or fat but I am poor from this. Now that I think about it poor seems better than the two alternatives I first imagined. I suppose it isnt that bad. Plus I have a new record.

I am so overwhelmed by life. And as I realized that and wondered where to turn I realized that is basically why I have this. So I can write whatever I want. And I am sure in a few days I will look back and read this and think of dramatic this all is in my head. But if I dont write it now I will have nothing to look back on and laugh at my insecurity and immaturity, so here I go.

Life is knocking on my door. Or more like banging on my window while I try and sleep. It expects so much. It wants decisions made. I dont feel ready to make those decisions. I just started applying because I knew I had to get the snowball started before it all melted. So I started. I wasnt expecting in 48 hours to have heard back about three plausibilities. Maybe I will have options. Options are good. But am I ready to make a decision? Do I even know what country to be in for the next year? Does it matter what I think? Will I make a choice and then be forced to go back on my word due to outside influences? And will reality be that I end up with nothing? Maybe these are platters of false hope being served up to my naivety.  There is so little I know. And so many questions. More than I can imagine answers for. And amidst it all I realize I just feel so under the weather. I wish Mrs Minnetta was here. The I could at least go in her flying car and skip out on life for a day or two. Or was it every other friday? It has been awhile. I think the best option is to put the blue vinyl on and finish that captivating book you lent me. I shall have to peruse your library again, I am impressed.

Everything is going to be okay. I just need to get my head above water long enough to regain my breath before I get pulled under again.