I cant help but to wonder. About everything. About imaginary things. About conversations that will never happen. About people I didnt even know existed until seven seconds ago. My mind runs rampant. It is like a wild horse running through the forest, untamable by the white man. Being white is a downer hey. But this isnt about how white I am. I just cant help the thoughts.
It seems like everything throws me on a tangent. I am amazed I actually get anything done in the day because of it. I just wonder about ships. And christmas songs. And why I dont sit down and spend more time reading about dinosaurs. And why with my glasses I see so poorly when its the same prescription as my contacts. And how I can see someone dozens of times and suddenly actually see them for the first time. I get lost wondering about others futures and about the stars and how the clouds are so intriguing. I just am so distractable.
That is what it all comes down to. Perhaps I am just looking for a distraction. I dont even feel bad admitting it. I suppose I recently find myself particularly avoidant of anything that seems real. I suppose I just feel that recently my life has been one car crash after another. Basically a constant flow of pile ups. And as much as I could say I wasnt ever hurt, I entirely was. I keep thinking things might be real when they are more imaginary than the monsters in my closet. They are so temporary but somehow I see it too late. It isnt until the airbags hit that I realize my delayed reaction time. So I cant help but wonder what if I gave you my number. I dont even know if I mean this specifically or not. I cant tell. I just know that as I sat there last night re-reading my journals from my time here I had so many questions unanswered and so much love that didnt last. How different could it all have been? How much would be changed if I just was more of who I want to be? What would happen if I had just saved you from drowning, would you promise never to leave? Maybe it's time for me to start thinking less and acting more.
Maybe you dont love me but you'll grow to love me even more.
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