I think I have wandered into a state of introspection in an attempt to prolong my procrastination. The pressure just isnt enough yet to force me away from literature, whether it be what I write or what I am reading. So here I am. Sitting in front of my computer on a saturday night introspecting. I have realized a few tendencies I have, and not in one those "I am so awesome ways".
I tend to form false relationships. Ones that are real through technology but disconnected in reality. It is easy for me to fb someone or send a text but when put in a face to face I immediately retract and withdraw. I think this is why I shy away from online dating, dont get me wrong I think about whether I should join those sites far too often. I just look back and see the boys in high school and college and even people I meet here and realize that there is nothing beyond oversharing through technology. There isnt commonality. There isnt something deeper. I dont really know how I get in these situations to be honest. I think its because when I get bored I really like male attention. That probably isnt a great thing but it is true and I dont mind admitting it.
I am going to try and be more real. I think that would be good for me.
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