Hop A Plane

It feels like I am being unreasonable or dramatic. But if you knew the ins and outs and all of the inner workings and expectations in this well oiled machine you would understand. We always talk on Sundays. It is just one of the few days when the time difference allots us both being home at normal hours. Also it is one of the few times when I dont feel rushed to say everything while in a form of transit. And if we dont talk every few days you think something is wrong. Growing up if I didnt keep in touch you would have my head. You worry. So I learned. I learned that even though checking in and updates seemed irrelevant to me, they mean the world to you. So I changed.

So when I got a skype call of the little one being lonely I was confused. You forgot to tell me you actually were going on a cruise, and that you left. You had mentioned it was an option but that is all that it was. I wasnt prepared. I had so many things to say. I get that it is only ten days. But it is the most stressful ten days of the semester in a sense as it is finals for me. And more than that I have had so much on my mind and I worry a lot. So when you left and didnt call me first it cut. It was like your own rules meant nothing when they applied to you.

I really do hope your cruise is epic. But I wont lie, I am sad that you left and forgot to tell me. It makes me feel, well, forgotten. More importantly the little one is hurting still, so much. So my heart breaks that I am not there for her. I will rearrange anything this week to ensure that she feels loved. Even when that means lost study time or missing something. She needs to know that distance means little and I still love her more than anything.

It is dramatic but this is what I imagine you dying being like, except this isnt bad. But that instant feeling of you being gone and be not knowing and not being there and feeling lost and empty and alone and sad is what I imagine it being like. I dont really like that feeling much. I know that we grow up and move out but you never have really let go so I just dont understand how you forgot me. I am sure it wont be a big deal to you when I mention it, and you wont realize it made me cry. I just worry and feel like I have so much to say to you and you arent there. I hate that feeling. I just want the next ten days to be over and for you to be back and for me to hit the halfway point, a point where I can finally breathe again. Be safe. Please.