Blah Blah Blah.. this feels drab lately. Possibly because I am in a rut. It's still the middle of exam period which limits my ability to be outside of a rut. My days are basically 8am library, home for lunch and a check in my the little one and then off to work. Dinner and possibly the gym after work then either bed or library again. This is routine. It is only a few more days. I need to find motivation again. Regardless, that is only half of it. The other half is I am still in that post break up rut. I should be over it. But tonight I realized I am not. I dont know why. Maybe it is because I see him constantly and he has to come across so perfect, tanned, in shape, top grades everytime, everyones friend. Its soo much. It makes me insecure and feel irrelevant. As if I was never a part of that world. And this is why I am in a rut.
I dont even know what to write. I will be rutted til wednesday. Although exams ending doesnt fix things. I would be lying if I said it did. I need to fix things. I need to find out why I really feel insecure and inadequate and deal with that. I cant blame him. I know its me. I wont mistake you for problems with me.
I need to fix this.
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