04 November 2011

The Future Freaks Me Out

 "We fail to represent, we fail to be content, we fail at everything we ever even try to attempt, and so the story goes"

Its hitting that point. I have to start thinking about my future. And the thought of it freaks me out excessively. In a week and a half I will have been here for a year, and will also be halfway done my program. That means one more year. One more year and I will be graduated. This time for good. There will be no other program to jump into to prolong planning my future. I actually will have to make decisions.

So here is the thing. I always just get up and leave temporarily. I cant seem to make extended plans or to really allow myself to settle. I look at things in a timeframe not infinitely. So making a decision as to where I want to settle down and set up a career scares me. I have left a lot of times, and probably burned bridges in all of my leaving. It scares me to think that I have to establish myself and that it feels like no matter where I do that someone will be hurt. Growing up freaks me out.

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