I know that I live far away. And that is my fault. But usually that does not matter. Technology bridges gaps. And on days that are less than ideal those bridges are well trod.
Today was one of those days. A day when I wanted a bridge. I felt overwhelmed and unsure and frustrated. It felt like the fruits of my labours were non existant and it seemed unfair. I know these feelings pass, but in the moment they are very real, and sometimes difficult. So I just wanted to hear your loving motherly words.
But you are away and not reachable. So as I stepped off the train I found myself whipping the forming tears from my eyes and taking deep breaths. I had to pull it together before I walked into work. I had to remember that you cant change the past and all you can do is move forward.
I feel like my hopes and dreams are so large and sometimes that makes them seem unattainable, especially when things go awry. I really just want to succeed and in that to change lives and be happy. I hate that it is so difficult to accomplish that.
Today it felt like we were more than half a world apart and I really just wanted you to be there. I needed you. But you couldnt have known how much would go on in my head at this time, you dont plan to be half a world away on days like this. Its not your fault. I just feel insignificant and alone.
Sometimes I just want to hug you and convince you that life's all right.
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