When You Wake What Is It That You Think of Most

Its two am. I should be asleep. I have spent hours doing nothing important. Just cutting up magazines in a thought to decorate a wall. I spent most seconds of the day trying to stay overly occupied. It worked. Til I was walking home from the train. Somehow in those few short minutes I felt like I was suffocating, like I couldnt breathe without you in my life. I dont know whats happening to me. I used to be so cold, emotions were so easy to just shut off. Breakups were tender but never traumatizing. And yet for some reason I cant imagine life without you in it. Perhaps that means just as best friends. I can accept that. I just hate that we are in a phase of nothing because we have to heal and be sad. I am sad. And sometimes I get chest pain because I am so sad and feel so lonely without you in my life. Even Rilo Kiley didnt make this break up feel okay. However, I will brave face it again tomorrow and I will hopefully finish your birthday present because in some way that is bigger than us.

-You.