Cant Keep Safe What Wants To Break

I think I thought it wanted to break. That I was just continually wrapping duct tape around it like a mummy in an attempt to piece it together while its scissor hands tore it apart just as quickly. You cant keep something safe if its going to break. But I was wrong. It wasnt going to break, and I wasnt using duct tape, I was just losing my mind. 

I have recently realized that my fears and insecurities hold me back from so much. I never realized this before. I just thought I could do anything and if I was too scared to do it, well than it probably just would suck anyways. But I think I was wrong. I think I just didnt want to know that I was missing out on anything in life. But I feel really lucky because I didnt realize this on my own. I am not that apt at self reflection. I need prodding like cattle. I need to be herded in the right direction to find out such things. So here it goes.

I realized that I get scared of being happy. That me being happy means someone else isnt.

I am afraid that spiders will eat me and that is a problem when I have to pee and there is one in the bathroom.

I realized that most of the things I think arent real.

I realized that because I imagine so much that it leads me to worry about things that arent real.

I realized that karaoke isnt scary, it is actually fun.

I realized that I dont hide things well when someone really knows me so I am best to just say whats wrong.

I realized that I talk too much and this prevents those quite moments from happening.

I realized that not everyone is out there to break your heart, but you dont know that unless you give them your heart.

And I learned a lot more. Mostly I have learned that I shouldnt be so insecure about everything. That sometimes I do things just right. And those times count for a lot and shouldnt be outshone by all the times when I dont get it right. Regardless, my head is far too full or imaginatory ideas that possibly need to be quieted for awhile. At least I know I dont have to struggle keeping this safe, it doesnt want to break.