I am very forgetful though. Even memorable things fade. Yet somehow I cannot forget a detail of that day. I can tell you what dress I wore. Where I was when I saw I had a voicemail. That I knew something was wrong. I didnt learn anything in the third hour. I felt sick. I walked home and called. I remember trying to understand. Trying not to lose control although the tears poured. I remember hanging up and breaking down on the sidewalk. I remember the exact place I sat. The phone call I made. I remember getting into the car and being taken home. I walked in and got my keys, tried to call someone else and with no answer went to their home anyways. I remember the door opening, asking for the mother and her knowing I wasnt okay. I sat with those parents. They werent mine and their daughter who was like a sister was abroad. Yet they were the only place I could go. I remember the texts, eating, watching scrubs and crying with my soulmate. The day is carved like razors through my heart. The pain is still as aching as it was three years ago.
The days and months that followed involved a lot of tears, sleepless nights and seeking comfort. And somehow I never expected that I would still be feeling in that same position. Time is supposed to heal. So why cant it just heal? I wish I had all of the answers. But what time has taught me is that I dont. Because I dont I have learned to rely on the Lord. It has pushed me to seek more, to have a desire to enter the Temple and make covenants because I truly know that through our Saviour I can be healed. That I can overcome this and forgive and let go of my pain and anger. So even when the pain feels razor sharp and the tears sting I know that I am not alone. I will not forget but I will learn to forgive.
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