I get so in my head. Its a world that catches me the way I wish my dream catcher would catch my dreams. It is the web that doesnt want to let go. Yet I cant seem to escape myself. But somehow I always know how to run.
I can sense trouble almost as well as I can sense when squirrels are afraid. And well, once those senses go all I know is to escape. It feels easier than being vulnerable or admitting things arent perfect. And it is of course exponentially easier than thinking or discussing my feelings. I havent been stagnant for this long ever it feels like. It has been 5 months and 5 days since I boarded the plane that took my life back to here. Nothing has went as planned. Everything feels like it is falling apart constantly. I am actually amazed I am not a train wreck. I mean there are significant glimmers of perfection that are the shining glue that keep me together but I am still often overwhelmed by reality.
Lately I have been observing a lot of love or lack of. I have watched engagements unfold, relationships blossom and old ones maintain their strength. I have seen collapse and I have seen sadness. And somehow I dont know how to relate my own life to it all. My insight into the worlds I dont reside often seems remarkable but my oblivion to my own life couldnt be worse. I cant help but wonder if I am running from a truth I dont want to admit.
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