I had a plan. I would come home, get healthy and go right back. I was going to stay til I could work here. The plan was well thought. Appearing to be flawless. I was wrong. I never imagined I would come back and immediately be in love, ready for a future. A future that felt cemented in my home world.
At first I was so frustrated. A relationship wasnt in the plan. I wanted to go back to Brissy. To my world of independence. I didnt come back for love. I didnt come back to grow up. So here I was. Feeling trapped at my own doing. The frustration building as nothing was going my way. So I started looking for jobs. I realized that it likely wouldnt be overly hard to leave. There were jobs abroad. I am qualified. So I mentioned it. I told my lover there were options. I expected annoyance or excuses. I received the support I didnt deserve. And then I realized I no longer had to go back. All I wanted was to feel like I was in charge. Like my decisions were my own. As thought I was free. And you allowing me that option and saying you would wait was more than I deserved.
You have been out of town since I have thought clearly enough to realize this. But when you get back I will tell you. I cant leave you to back for two months. I would rather have a life here with you than to try and create and fulfill selfish dreams there. I had a life there. And I will go back. But right now it is time for my life with you.
Maybe God really does laugh when I make plans.
No comments:
Post a Comment