The last two days were days I would rather not repeat. I used to think I was tough. Apparently I am not. They were awful. I would go back to the beginning but I dont know where it is. So I will just skip to yesterday.
The day before today was the blessed day were I had the great chance to have both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. Some how having something shoved down my throat and then up my butt is not my idea of fun. But to make it even better I was able to take 4L of laxatives the day before/morning of. It was awful. But I kept telling myself that at least the procedure would be painless as that is was all of my predecesors told me. They lied. I know I was partially drugged but I have the extremely vivid memory of intense pain and me crying through the pain during it. It was awful. And to make matters worse they said everything was normal! I know, I should be happy. But my inability to feel well doesnt make that my response. I have had regular nausea for a year and a half and with that I have a new sense of motion sickness that makes long car rides and elevator rides a disaster. So them saying they found nothing after torturing me was not my idea of a good day.
Today is the day after. I feel less miserable than the day before but the random cramping and the sore throat along with the papers saying I am fine only frustrate me. I would like a new set of organs. Ones that fail less.
I recognize this is complete whinging. That I could have it so much worse. I am quite lucky and I know that. But I also think that with technology these days it shouldnt be so hard to find out why I feel so sick so often. There has to be an explanation for the nausea and stomach pains. I just wish I could find someone that knew that explanation. And preferably without the pain of yesterday.
On a happy note on the way there my grandparents were driving me and my grandpa played the most awful song. He claimed it was "music to have a colonoscopy to". It was dreadful. Like the colonoscopy. He might have been right.
I am off clear fluids though which makes me a much pleasanter person than I was when I was being starved though so that feels like a good step forwards after feeling like I took a zillion steps back. Maybe I will just go to mind over matter and just ignore it if I feel nauseous. It may work.
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