Feeling A Little Peyton-esque.

I am so struggling emotionally today. I dont know if it is related to the constant migraine I have now had for three weeks, or the mass amounts of snow, or that it is Monday, or if it is because I received another emotionally shunting email or if its because you are buying a home. I really dont know because it could be so much. But either way, its a struggle today.

I think if I introspect honestly I might be able to piece it together. It seems like you are actually building a future.  A business. A home. A life. And I just am scared that the truth could be that I am not part of that. I mean I really might be but then I am scared I am not. Because today when I got another email I was just reminded yet again that if my own father didnt choose a future with me in it then how can I expect any other man to. You must think I am crazy. I cried while we were on the phone but I think I managed to hide it because I dont want you thinking I cant handle this. I can. I just cant help but be insecure because deep down I am not sure if anyone can really stay. I feel exactly like Peyton, it feels like people always leave so how can I believe this is different?

I am really beyond ready for this Monday to be over because it just has been too much. I just am ready for Tuesday so I can give you gifts and torture you with Birthday Celebrations.