Realistic Optimism for Another Year of Lifeness

I think I eventually fell asleep thinking how I was going to nail the big two four. I shouldnt say two four, it makes me think of Bob and Doug and beer, and that is not where this is going at all. So I was thinking how this year was going to be nailed. And then I woke up and had cake for breakfast and skyped and had cupcakes and presents and an epic learning opportunity and more skyping and more presents and more dessert and so much love you cant imagine. And through all of this I was thinking wow, I am all over this. Then at some point during it reality hit. And for the first time I realized something I seem to miss.

Everytime a new calendar comes out or a day of birth celebration happens to me I think "oh man, I am gonna get right this time, this is going to be my year". Then the year happens and I am like "gah, this year nailed me". And I try again. And over and over I have lived this cycle. It is like a wash cycle continuously on repeat. Until today.

This seems the wrong way to go about it but that is alright with me. Reality hit today. The pain that is excruciating beyond words hit hard again. And this isnt a feel bad for me thing, this is a part of my life and I dont mind being open about it. So as it hit and I went looking for that bottle of painkillers I made the realization I needed. Maybe I have been nailing these years, I just am losing perspective in the battles I havent been winning. This year is going to be epic. I am going to have some major successes while 24. I will graduate with a Master's, I will get a real job, I will submit research to be published. I am going places. But that doesnt mean that this year will be pain free. I cant decide that because it is a day that means I am older. I cannot always control these things. And maybe this is the first time I am really accepting it.

The all too familiar pain reminded me that realistically this year will have challenges. Some will be familiar and some will be unbelievably foreign as I find myself thrown into the deep end. The next few months are sink or swim time. Good thing I used to be a lifeguard hey. So here I am, nearing closing time and feeling so excited for this year, even though I may have just taken a painkiller and be curled up with a hot pack. I am going to really nail 24 and when I get super old next year I am going to look back and see the successes and not so much the challenges. I am ready.

(Notice how mature and old sounding I am now?)