I wish I wrote songs. That isnt one of my skills though. It just isnt. So instead I find music that has the words I wish I wrote. Lately its a song by Attention that is hitting home, and maybe I dont know why or maybe it is too close to home. But in a way it reminds me that I am not really as cynical as I pretend to be. I like to be hardcore and act like I am so super independent. And I kinda am. But that isnt the point.
Lately I have realized what a romantic I am. I have the most miraculous fantasy of love and marriage and future. I can picture the photos, the wedding, the honeymoon. And the mere thought of it all is too much. I am mostly sure that I pretend to be cynical because I have such a perfect picture of love and am worried it will never happen to me.
So when I hear these crushing songs of love and beauty and loss and the past and now it just fills me with longing. I want to be the one that has something to write a song about. I want to have a best friend that I will be with for the rest of my life. And I want to be that girl that isnt scared to be romantic. But until then I will listen to this song and wonder.
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