I am literally stressed to the point that I can feel the tears fighting to come out. I wish they would. It would probably release some of this tension I feel throbbing inside. I understand that I am the one that chose to move. But I kinda didnt. I prayed a lot about it and felt prompted to make the choice. And not knowing the reason why makes it harder for me to understand that it will all work out because right now my room, my life, my everything, seems like a disaster so large that it should make the news.
Logically I know somehow things will happen and work. And I understand that clearly there is a plan for me. But my lack of knowing just makes it feel like my life is one of those puzzles where every single piece is a sky piece that looks the exact same and there are no edges so you dont even have that to go off of.
I know I seem ridiculous. But taking two years of life and trying to pack it all and make it fit while planning trips and selling furniture and trying to find someone to move in is just too much for my humanness. Plus I somehow have to go to uni this week and then take an exam next week and I just feel like I am suffocating in my own oxygen. And I cant say I want someone to come wave a magic wand. I dont. I dont expect someone to give me some logical answer that they think is superior. I just want to feel like someone cares that this is hard on me too. It seems like everyone just looks at how this affects them and no one has thought that maybe leaving is hard for me too. I dont feel strong enough to survive the next month. A lot of divine intervention will be required for this to all work out.
No comments:
Post a Comment