Unwritten Words

I havent filled in a lot of gaps. Probably because I still feel confused and disappointed and overwhelmed and just mostly a lot lost in it all. I imagine things in my head in such a vivid and real way that when reality doesnt meet up to it I feel confused. I think this was part of the demise. Maybe the other part was just plain reality.

So reality is I had a holiday planned. I took the planes. I made it to the location. And then I spent a lot of time being really naseous, and some time vomiting, and a lot of time at doctors appointments and a brief period in surgery (just keyhole not like major organ removing crazy stuff), and then recovering and reading and happily seeing humans I share DNA with. So yep. I thought it was going to be epic. And then it was basically like "hey your health sucks"and I was like "tell me something not obvious" and then it was like "lets cut you open" and I was like "finally" and then it was like "ps you probably cant have gluten" and I was like "that sucks". And then I had to change my food life.

Its been two weeks. I dont even know what is most bothering. Probably that I am still sore enough that I cant lay on my stomach. For some reason that is overwhelmingly frustrating. Maybe because I like to sleep on my stomach, or maybe because thats how I watch TV or read or exist. Or maybe it is just frustrating that I cant really exercise yet and that I will have to work up to it. Or maybe it just is like ugh. Probably because I am just ready for a day when I wake up feeling healthy. That sounds odd. But that may be the only way I can write it.

I havent been writing because of this blah ugh whateverness. The whole adding another random health thing on top of it all when I am an active, healthy lifestyle person just seems like ugh, for real? So I think I just feel like my holiday wasnt a holiday and I needed one. It just was full of a lot of emotion and aching and longing and physical pain and confusion and just a lot of things that I dont cope well with. So with my inability to handle the realm of emotion I just blanked out on words.

Summary complete. Next chapter.